New Year's Resolutions: Look Out for No.1

I wish everyone a happy, healthy New Year. I am especially grateful for my readers and the kind comments left on my postings. I belong to a strong community of people affected by breast cancer, and I am so grateful to have these special people as part of my life.

This is surely the time for New Year's resolutions, and these are important. But many people will be beginning the New Year as ill patients. Being an ill patient is unnerving and disarming. Not only does your body betray you, but your life becomes inundated with doctor's appointments and treatments. Add self-advocacy into the mix, and life becomes very complex indeed.

Even with a great arsenal of doctors, you still need to summon all your strength to look out for No. 1 – you.

This is why you need to make resolutions that will help you get the most from your medical care.

Resolve to speak up about feeling poorly. Too many patients – and I have been one of them – try not to “bother” the doctor by complaining about troublesome symptoms, medication side effects, and so on. Doctors aren’t mind readers, and with your excellent cadre of doctors in place, you should feel comfortable and empowered to talk freely with any physician on your team.


Resolve to call the doctor with questions. This falls under the not-wanting-to-bother-the-doctor category, as well as a patient’s fear of seeming stupid by asking questions. Feel free to ask questions, even if you need to clarify what you had already asked him or her. A great doctor won’t mind and will do his or her best to answer your questions to the fullest.


Resolve to share your emotional state. It’s really important for doctors and other medical staff to see you as a human being who happens to be a patient. Let your emotions out: cry if you need to, and/or verbalize how you feel emotionally. This should help remind the medical team that you are a real person with real feelings.


Resolve to consider the medical team as co-partners in your care. You are the most important part of the medical team, of course. However, you need to embrace the medical staff as co-partners in your care. Helping you is truly a team effort; by viewing your medical experience as a team experience, you will be better able to communicate and bond with doctors, nurses, and other staff.


Resolve to fire a doctor who silences you rather than listens to you. A doctor who mistreats you should not be your doctor. Enough said.


Resolve to ask the same question in different ways, multiple times if necessary. It’s often easy to get lost in medical-speak and get confused. That’s why it is so crucial to ask questions – even if they are the same questions worded differently – to get a concrete, understandable answer. Sometimes you need to reiterate what a doctor says just to ensure you understand what is being said. Clarifying information is a win-win for everyone on your team.


Resolve to use support systems. If you are not at your best, it can be a good idea to bring a friend, caregiver, or relative to help process medical information for you. Relying on a caregiver or other support person, however, can have its drawbacks. Friends and caregivers may believe they are looking out for your own best interest, but can be domineering and biased in helping you make decisions and thus negatively affect your medical care.


Resolve to follow up on appointments and procedures. Be proactive in your health by keeping track of your follow up physicals and procedures. Make that appointment and stick to it no matter how scared or defiant you feel. I have to work on this resolution myself, as I'm scared and defiant when it comes to setting up appointments.


Resolve to use art as therapy. These include drawing, writing, listening to or producing music. We need to care for ourselves holistically, and that means indulging in activities that calm us.


Do you have any health-related resolutions to add to the list? I really would love to hear them.  


This posting is an excerpt from my upcoming book, Calling the Shots: Coaching Your Way Through the Medical System. To obtain these excerpts regularly, please subscribe to this blog by clicking the orange subscribe button. I am a professional writer and have published numerous academic and magazine articles, as well as an essay on my breast cancer experience in the anthology Voices of Breast Cancer by LaChance Publishing. I can be contacted at bethlgainer@gmail.com and gainercallingtheshots@gmail.com.

How to Treat a Person Treated by Illness

As I write this, a very good friend is battling Leukemia. We communicate regularly, and I have visited her between her hospital visits at a time when she was feeling pretty decent. I call her occasionally when she's living at the hospital for five weeks at a time getting chemotherapy and every other therapy imaginable.

I cannot bear the possibility of losing her -- but I take great comfort that her doctors are optimistic about her prognosis. I think about her every day.

Flashback to about six years ago. I lost a great friend to breast cancer. I took her to most of her chemo treatments and did whatever I could to help her. About two weeks before she died, we told each other "I love you." But during her three-year battle, on the rare days when I wasn't taking her to treatment, I hardly called her. When I did call, I told her she did not have to call me back.

And she hardly called me back, unless she needed me to help her. And I was OK with that because as a former cancer patient, I knew exactly what someone ill needed from others. I called her before I planned to visit her in the hospital, knowing that she might not be receptive to visitors on a particular day.

That being said, if you have a friend, relative, or acquaintance who has a serious illness, here are a few do's and don'ts that would really help the patient.

Don't reject that person. As difficult as it is to see a loved one suffering, you must have the courage to support him or her. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, most of my friends rallied around me, but there were a couple who rejected me and were downright cold to me. I remember feeling crushed in spirit and felt that the rejection was worse than the cancer itself.

Don't call constantly. The afflicted person is often flooded with phone calls upon diagnosis and during treatment. Picking up the phone can sap the energy of anyone who is going through an illness. When I was undergoing chemotherapy and radiation at the same time, the physical act of picking up the phone seemed like an Olympic weight-lifting event.

Do call occasionally or send a card. While too many phone calls are intrusive, you do need to call occasionally or send a card just to let the ill person know you are still thinking of him or her. I remember all the cards I got when I was sick, and it meant the world to me to know I meant the world to many people. If you do call and are put into voicemail, leave a message like, "I just called to see how you are doing. You do not need to call me back, but you can if you are able to. I just am checking in." This gives the afflicted person the option of not calling you back and not feeling guilty about it.

Do call the ill person to see if it's OK to visit him or her at the hospital or at home. This is really important. After my double mastectomy with reconstruction, I felt too sick to want visitors, and I didn't want people to see me looking so sick and vulnerable. I preferred occasional phone calls.

Don't visit if you are ill, even slightly ill. Sick people cannot afford to be exposed to any more potential threats to their immune system. That's why I hardly have visited my Leukemia-afflicted friend in the hospital: I was either sick or under the weather, or my child was ill, and that made me a potential carrier of her germs.

Don't take children to the hospital if the patient's immune system is compromised. Let's face it: Children are germ buckets. Unless there's a good reason for doing so, visit the afflicted person without bringing children.

Do bring a book or something to occupy your time if you are visiting the patient.  I spent hours reading by the bedside of my dying friend years ago, while she slept. When she woke up and saw me, she felt happy and then went back to sleep. You are supposed to be there for the patient and his/her needs.

Do tell the person you love him or her. Enough said.

These do's and don'ts should help you best help the person you care about. It can hurt not to see a loved one in the hospital or not to get a call from him or her, but the truth is that being a good friend/relative involves doing what is best for the patient.

Do you recommend any do's or don'ts regarding a loved one afflicted by an illness? Please leave a comment -- your advice is appreciated. 

This is an exerpt from my upcoming book, Calling the Shots: Coaching Yourself Through the Medical System. I am a professional, published writer, whose particular interest lies in self-advocacy and self-empowerment in the medical arena. I have published an essay on my breast cancer experience in the anthology Voices of Breast Cancer by LaChance Publishing.  To subscribe to my blog, please click the orange Subscribe button on the left side of the posting. I can be contacted at bethlgainer@gmail.com

Launch of Navigating Cancer Site

I'm pleased that a new free website for people touched by cancer has officially been launched today. And I'm equally proud that I am a contributor among this network of individuals.

Navigatingcancer.com is a place where former and current cancer patients can share experiences, join groups and discussions, and, if so desired, can keep their loved ones up to date on how they are doing.

This site also allows patients to confidentially organize their appointments, treatment regimens, and current moods through its organizer's Daily Health Tracker. Patients can invite loved ones to check their current physical and emotional status.

The tagline of the site is, "Empowering Your Journey." As an advocate who tries to help others navigate through the medical-system maze, I am impressed with how this site helps empower patients.

The website is below, or just click on the Navigating Cancer badge.

http://www.navigatingcancer.com/


Beth L. Gainer is a professional writer and has published numerous academic and magazine articles, as well as an essay on her breast cancer experience in the anthology Voices of Breast Cancer by LaChance Publishing. She writes about a potpourri of topics, including motherhood and her Chinese adoption experience at http://currents-living-discovery.blogspot.com/, and her cat Hemi blogs at http://www.catterchatter.blogspot.com/. Beth teaches writing and literature at Robert Morris University in the Chicago area. She has a guest posting on The World's Strongest Librarian at http://worldsstrongestlibrarian.com/3597/sharing-a-loved-ones-pain-guest-post-by-beth-gainer/.

She can be contacted at bethlgainer@gmail.com and gainercallingtheshots@gmail.com.