Say 'No' to Thugs

We are able to say “no” to our children, teenagers, relatives, friends, and significant others. So why is it so difficult to say "no" to doctors?

Society is groomed to say “yes” to authority figures – particularly doctors. Maybe it's because we are inundated with TV shows and all kinds of medi-dramas that place doctors smack in the middle of a medical pedestal. From TV's Marcus Welby to Emergency to Trapper John MD to ER to Grey's Anatomy, it's all the same rhetoric: a doctor's word is good as gold.

I've built a team of excellent doctors, all of whom I trust with my life. But I couldn't get to this point without making hard decisions about which doctors to hire and fire. (In a future blog, I will discuss how to hire and fire doctors.)

Not questioning doctors can result in all sorts of problems for the patient. At its very worst, though, not questioning doctors can land you a spot at the county coroner's -- and not an adventuresome one like that depicted in Quincy.

And if you find yourself facing a combative doctor who is trying to bully you into compliance, use a very effective technique: civil disobedience.

In short, say "no" to thugs.

Here are just some of the doctor thugs I said "no" to:

• At the time of my diagnosis, I sought a second oncologist's opinion. He chose a treatment protocol that I later learned would likely have caused long-term damage to my heart. I also asked him about harvesting my eggs because, despite my dire terror, I was hoping to have a baby after cancer. He said, "You might want to think about how fair it is to bring a child into this world, only leave it an orphan." I left that appointment sobbing. I said "no" to him and "yes" to the first oncologist I had seen. And each day I am grateful for that decision.
• When I was planning my preventive double mastectomy, a surgeon also recommended other organs get removed as a prevention. Based on the judgment of my excellent gateway doctor and excellent oncologist, I said "no." He proceeded to bully me by interrogating me on the phone as to why I was not removing these organs, and I infuriated him (not purposefully) when I said that I was following the advice of my other doctors instead of his advice.
• Dr. Remove-All-Your-Organs finally got over his anger with me and, in an act of good will, offered my mastectomy surgeon his assistance in the removal of my breast tissue. She called me to ask what I'd prefer: her alone or the two of them working together. I told her that I didn't want that man to ever touch me and didn't want him anywhere near me on that day. In fact, he'd better not even be in the operating room! (I would've liked to say, he'd better not even be in the same hospital as me on that day, but that would be pushing my luck.)
• Another doctor I consulted who wanted to remove some organs during the mastectomy (yes, there was another organ-fixated doctor) started interrogating me after the surgery as to why I didn't follow his advice. I was stifled at that point, but once I got my bearings, I fired him.

This is not to say that we should barrel into a doctor's office, treat them with disrespect, or be deliberately contrary. Doctors are often right about our medical needs.

However, we should never forfeit our rights to be key players in our own health care. And if you encounter arrogant bully-doctors, just employ civil disobedience: Say "no" to thugs.

Beth L. Gainer is a professional writer and has published an essay on her breast cancer experience in the anthology Voices of Breast Cancer by LaChance Publishing. She teaches writing and literature at Robert Morris College in the Chicago area. She can be contacted at bethlgainer@gmail.com and gainercallingtheshots@gmail.com. She also blogs on the adventures of her cats, Hemi and Cosette, at http://www.catterchatter.blogspot.com/.

Top 10 Reasons to Run Away From a Doctor

Clearly, there are doctors who should not perform the science and art of medicine. And medicine is a science and an art because doctors need to balance information from research and their fields of expertise and the art of applying this knowledge to help their patients.

Recently I wrote about Five Quick Tips for Choosing a Doctor. Now here are my Top 10 quick reasons to run away from doctors. I have experienced all of these scenarios, some multiple times. Here, then, are my Top 10 signs that you need to put on your running shoes:

1. Citing one dizzying statistic after another, trying to impress you and make you feel stupid.

2. Having a cheat sheet from the Internet and reading from that sheet during an appointment.

3. Bringing up the removal of organs that are not up for discussion....or removal.

4. Telling you that if you don't choose his/her treatment, that mortal harm will come to you. He/she tries to frighten you into submission.

5. Maligning his/her colleagues and taking offense if you want a colleague's opinion.

6. Blaming you for not following his/her advice.

7. Interrogating you for why you didn't follow his/her advice.

8. Trying to decide your medical destiny rather than act as your advisor when you are choosing your own medical destiny.

9. Playing God by predicting what will happen to you. The truth is, nobody knows the outcomes for sure.

10. Pressuring you to make decisions too quickly for your comfort.

Beth L. Gainer is a professional writer and has published an essay on her breast cancer experience in the anthology Voices of Breast Cancer by LaChance Publishing. She teaches writing and literature at Robert Morris College in the Chicago area. She can be contacted at bethlgainer@gmail.com and gainercallingtheshots@gmail.com.

A Patient-Centered Bill of Rights

Too often, patients are confused by the language of various Patient's Bills of Rights because the language is often convoluted and confusing. It's hard enough to be a patient, so reading through muddling language only adds anxiety.

So, in my Fantasy World of Medical Advocacy, here's my version of what a Patient's Bill of Rights should look like:

Patient's Bill of Rights

1. You have the right to be civilly disobedient with any medical personnel who you perceive does not have your best interest at heart.

2. You have the right to hire and fire doctors at will.

3. You have the right to question treatments without a doctor being condescending to you.

4. You have the right to understand that you are on equal footing with a doctor because you are both human beings with comparable self-worth.

5. You have the right to truly collaborate with excellent doctors you trust and who truly have your best interest at heart.

6. You have the right to a voice in your own medical care.

7. You have a right to have doctors return your phone calls on a timely basis.

8. You have the right to follow your gut instinct and not allow medical people to manipulate you into ignoring it.

9. Whether you are incapacitated, in the hospital, or extremely sick, you have the right to speak up in any medical settings.

10. You have the right to choose your medical destiny to whatever extent possible.

11. You have the right not to be bullied or badgered by anyone -- from receptionist to doctor -- at any time.

12. You have the right to being treated with respect and to employ civil disobedience if you are being bullied, badgered, and disrespected in any way. In short, say "no" to thugs.

Calling the Shots in Your Medical Care

This blog-form column is designed to encourage and inspire people to take the reins of their own medical care. Whether you have advocated for yourself or a loved one, or you want to know tips on how to do so, this blog is for you.

I became a self-advocacy expert when I was diagnosed with breast cancer in January 2001. The road toward health has been fraught with difficulties, setbacks, losses, and suffering. But I am grateful to be alive and loved -- and to have a platform through which I can help others.

Every person who is diagnosed with any medical condition is unlucky. In particular, the "C" word in particular still fills people's hearts with dread.

In some respects, I was especially unlucky when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. At a relatively young age, I suffered through a lumpectomy, chemotherapy and radiation, constant medical testing, a few false alarms, and eventually a preventive double mastectomy with reconstruction. I had also become infertile as a result of the treatments. The ironic part of it all is that I was in excellent shape and fit.

But despite my diagnosis, I was also lucky: my cancer hadn’t spread, I had excellent doctors, and I had the best advocate in the world – myself.

Through self-advocacy, I caught my own breast cancer, prevented a recurrence, and ensured I received top-quality HMO medical care. Before my breast cancer diagnosis, I knew nothing about interacting with doctors and self-advocacy. Sure, I had routine exams, but like most people, I was intimidated by doctors and believed everything they told me. I was not immersed in the medical world. My breast cancer experience would change all that.

In my self-advocacy journey, I have taken actions that were unthinkable to my pre-cancer self: hiring and firing doctors, asserting my needs to medical personnel, scolding difficult medical staff – and in one instance allowing everyone on a train car to know my sordid, private medical details! (Curious? Stay tuned for a future blog.)

This blog will offer tips on how to advocate for your medical needs. Regardless of your condition, situation, prognosis, or ultimate outcome, too much is at stake to allow organizations and medical personnel to intimidate you and fully determine your fate.

You are the one who can call the shots in your own medical care.

During my public speaking engagements, people often ask my advice on how to find the right physician, what to do if they are unhappy with their doctors, or how to handle being dismissed by medical personnel. When others find out I advocated for myself, they want to talk with me about this topic. People need to know how to advocate for themselves.

Although you cannot always control your medical situation, remember this: you are the driver of your medical care, not a passenger.

When it comes to self-advocacy, you call the shots.

Beth L. Gainer is a professional writer and has published an essay on her breast cancer experience in the anthology Voices of Breast Cancer by LaChance Publishing. She teaches writing and literature at Robert Morris College in the Chicago area. She can be contacted at bethlgainer@gmail.com and gainercallingtheshots@gmail.com.