My Three Words

During the most recent #BCSM tweetchat, each participant chose three words that would guide him or her for 2012. This excellent idea came from Philippa at Feisty Blue Gecko, who has been doing this exercise for each new year since 2009.  My fellow bloggers have followed suit, and now so am I. My words for 2012 are:


Courage
Perseverance
Peace


I am discussing these words together because, in my mind, they are intertwined. As I enter into a new year of new doctor appointments, I hope and pray for peace of mind. I plan to better to quell some of my health-related fears and pains that plague me day and night.


Last year found me celebrating my fifth year post DIEP-flap surgery. As those who read my blog know, the surgery has left me with abdominal and back pain. I hope for the courage to better cope with the pain -- and I found great bath salts (chamomile, eucalyptus, and rosehips) that temporarily keep the pain at bay.

Placebo effect?


Perhaps.

But then, again, who cares?

I'm in less pain when I soak in the tub and for a few days afterward. I hope to keep up the momentum when it comes to self-care. I must continue power walking, swimming, getting enough sleep, and eating right. Self-care leads to a sense of inner peace. And inner peace helps fuel my courage and perseverance.

I'm ringing in the new year with my tried-and-true doctors, as well as new physicians. Not looking forward to my first colonoscopy. I'm going to tap into my courage bank and get the rather unpleasant procedure, knowing full well that that a new C club to join could be lurking. But I must stare this fear in the face -- and act in spite of my fear.


Through perseverance, I was able to obtain a new primary care physician, whom I am seeing for a "routine" exam tomorrow. After a breast cancer diagnosis years ago, nothing really is routine anymore for me. I'm still aggravated that my hospital terminated its contract with my former primary care physician, but I am moving on and picked up my medical records, which was a fiasco to be discussed in a future post.

Overall, I am trying to embrace this new year of doctors' exams with a new daunting challenge: Scheduled around the exams, I will be treasuring time with my daughter, as well as oil painting, exercising, writing, reading, and keeping busy. I want to prove to myself that I can endure the doctor gauntlet without breaking down. That I can continue coping with life's hurdles. 


That I can still find peace and be centered.

Seeing doctors is a crucible of gigantic proportions. I am already tense at the thought of seeing my new primary physician and rehashing all the years of physical and mental hell.

But I know that when I am courageous and persevere, I tend to achieve peace.

To further give me peace, I will also be integrating Tai Chi into my exercise routine this year. When I was in China, I saw people of all ages participating in this activity in public parks everywhere. It looked, well, peaceful and relaxing. 


I achieved a great sense of peace -- and pride -- when I finished my manuscript for my book last year. This year, I will be searching for an agent and publisher. I know this is a long, arduous road and publication may not come to fruition this year.


But I dream hard and work hard. 


And that will serve me well in this endeavor. 

Finally, I feel a great sense of peace being part of an awesome blogging community. I enjoy reading postings from the best, most insightful writers in the blogosphere. Most importantly, I feel a kinship with these individuals I have met virtually and consider friends. Affected by breast cancer, we became a support community. I am lucky to have crossed paths with each one of them.


I am looking forward to a new year of awesome blogs from these remarkable people and am eagerly anticipating a new year of blogging.


Happy 2012!!


I'm writing a book titled Calling the Shots: Coaching Your Way Through the Medical System. Please feel free to subscribe to this blog by clicking the orange subscribe button. I am a professional writer and have published numerous academic and magazine articles, as well as an essay on my breast cancer experience in the anthology Voices of Breast Cancer by LaChance Publishing. I can be contacted at bethlgainer@gmail.com and gainercallingtheshots@gmail.com.

Don't Be Complacent

If you have a medical concern, please get it checked out as soon as you can. This is a simple idea, but it is one of the hardest things we can ask of ourselves.

We may not follow up immediately on a medical concern because we are afraid our worst nightmares will come true. It's much easier to lull ourselves into a false sense of complacency -- that whatever we are worried about is a figment of our imagination, or that we are just hypochondriacs afraid to waste a doctor's time with false alarms.

The truth is, it is easy to choose complacency when we are afraid. This is our default reaction to potentially disturbing news.

I chose two weeks of complacency after I found a very subtle dimple on my right breast during one of my routine monthly breast exams. During these two weeks, I had no peace. I kept telling myself that I wasn't really seeing anything. Wasn't that dimple always there and I failed to notice it? Wasn't it just a mirage?

Then I would cry for hours, convinced it was cancer. Then I remembered that a recent mammogram was negative and my gynecologist had given me a clean bill of health months prior. He did the breast exam and found nothing, I reassured myself, so I was just fine.

Besides, a doctor told me I was too young for cancer. I was fit and had a healthy lifestyle. I was becoming jubilant over my self-imposed diagnosis of "healthy," when a fear overcame me.

What if it really is breast cancer?

My first instinct was to tell myself that ignorance is bliss. The idea of having cancer was too terrifying to imagine. But when it comes to a possibility of any life-threatening condition, the whole ignorance-is-bliss mantra is a lie.

I realized that I had no choice but to investigate it. If it weren't cancer, my mind games would stop and I'd be reassured. If it were cancer, it would kill me if I just ignored it. At least being proactive would give me a shot at living.

So I made an appointment to see the gynecologist, who, still unconcerned and who had trouble even finding the area in question, wrote me a prescription for a mammogram at my hospital's breast center, just to be on the safe side.

Turns out, it was cancer.

And that's when I first learned the power of self-advocacy. Despite the harsh treatments and future surgeries, I am alive now -- and blogging up a storm -- because I opted to be proactive.

Some people believe that "courage" is defined as "being fearless." I disagree. To me, courage means being afraid and acting anyway, even if that means facing the darkest of truths.

Through my breast cancer journey, I realized that I am very courageous, but I realized that this is a true quality of ordinary people like me -- to do extraordinary things that are often the unthinkable.

So if you or a loved one has a medical concern, call the shots and get it checked out. It may just save a life.

Beth L. Gainer is a professional writer and has published an essay on her breast cancer experience in the anthology Voices of Breast Cancer by LaChance Publishing. She teaches writing and literature at Robert Morris College in the Chicago area. She can be contacted at bethlgainer@gmail.com and gainercallingtheshots@gmail.com. She also blogs on the adventures of her cats, Hemi and Cosette, at http://www.catterchatter.blogspot.com/.